http://www.pdxqcenter.org/bisexuality-does-not-reinforce-the-gender-binary-it-dissolves-it/

He’s contradicting himself. In one breath he says that bisexuality paved the way for pansexuality (implying that they mean different things). In the next breath he says that pansexuality and bisexuality are not different things.

Pansexuality and bisexuality mean the same thing. The only reason the word pansexuality exists as a term is because people don’t understand that the word bisexuality isn’t defined by the dictionary. It’s defined by the movement that reclaimed it and defined it- the bisexual movement. And the bisexual movement has always defined bisexuality in the same way that people are now defining pansexuality (and all the other anything-but-bisexual words that have gone in and out of fashion over the decades).

He also says that queer is a useful term for bisexual people to use. I disagree. I think it contributes to bisexual erasure. When you call yourself queer, people don’t know that you are bisexual. Lesbians and gays use the word queer too. Unless you always say bisexual when you say queer, you are contributing to bisexual erasure if you only use the word queer. If you are using the word queer in addition to using the word bisexual, what do you mean by queer? Are you saying you’re gender-queer? If  you are then why not say that instead? Are you saying you’re a political radical? If you are then why not say that instead?

Using the word bisexual to label your sexual orientation is important. It honors the reality of the bisexual movement. It contributes to bisexual visibility. It builds the movement for change that will help end biphobia.

Why are labels valuable and important? Because using clear language is important. Why? Because we need to communicate with each other. If we don’t want to be understood we should just stop talking. Here’s a link to a blog post that explains why labels are important for social change.

That character’s name is Kalinda Sharma:

The firm’s in-house private investigator. Kalinda previously worked for Peter for two years. He fired her after accusing her of working two jobs. After becoming good friends, Alicia finds out Kalinda had a one night stand with Peter before she knew Alicia, damaging their friendship. Kalinda has a cynical, misanthropic outlook on human behavior. She is bisexual. She often plays a major part in winning cases for Lockhart & Gardner, although not always ethically or legally. The character’s signature wardrobe piece has become a pair of knee-high boots; the character initially wore pumps but Panjabi felt that boots “grounded her in the character.”

Misanthropic: marked by a hatred or contempt for humankind

You can’t be moral and emotionally well adjusted if you’re misanthropic. If you get ahead in unethical ways. If you cheat on people. If you engage in criminal behavior.

Please. Stop portraying bisexuals as running around in knee-high boots, hitting men with baseball bats. And stop claiming that these are accurate and positive portrayals of bisexual people.

The way bisexual people are depicted in film and television tells us a lot about the level of biphobia that exists in our society.

The tropes I see repeated over and over-

Cheating

Hypersexual (more sexual than the other characters and/or sexual in socially inappropriate ways and places)

Crazy/Mentally Unstable

Identity conflict (unsure of who they are/conflicted about who they are)

Murderous

Criminal

Lying

Temporarily thinks they are bisexual (therefore not actually a bisexual character). This one is very disappointing for bisexual people who get there hopes up when a show introduces a character who says they are bisexual.

Somehow “other” – different from the other characters in some significant way

The bisexual characters that would change the world-

Faithful and Monogamous

Equally as sexual as other people, respectful of social norms around sexual boundaries

Emotionally Stable/Mentally and Socially Well Adjusted

Comfortable in their sexual orientation identity, not afraid to use the word bisexual, congruent and unconflicted in other parts of their identity as well

Law Abiding

Honest

Successful in all areas of life- friends, relationship, work, giving back

Average and Relatable

I would like to see bisexual characters that aren’t consensually non-monogamous. Not that there’s something wrong with having more than one sexual partner when all parties are honest and consenting. However, the average person tends to assume that bisexual people can’t be monogamous. Therefore it would do more to help people get over stereotypes about bisexuals to have characters with monogamy as a preferred relationship structure.

I would also like to see bisexual characters that aren’t transgender, not because there’s something wrong with being transgender, but because the average person tends to assume that all transgender people are bisexual. Therefore a cisgender (born with assigned sex aligned with gender identity) bisexual character is going to do more to teach people that bisexual and transgender are not synonymous. However, having a bisexual person in a monogamous relationship with someone who is transgender would be a good way to help overcome the stereotype that bisexual people aren’t attracted to transgender or genderqueer people.

Writers may wonder, “How do I communicate that a character is bisexual without having them go back and forth between male and female lovers, or without having them have more than one lover of more than one gender at a time?” My answer to that is you have the character simply talk with another character about the fact that they are bisexual. Have them explain that bisexuality is simply just having the capacity to be sexually attracted to more than one gender. Have them explain that they know they could fall in love with someone who was male, female, or someone who didn’t identify with those genders.

Then just have the character go on with life. Have them go to work, spend time with friends, spend time with their partner, take care of an aging parent, raise children, etc. The normal everyday things that make up a human life. People will know they are bisexual because they talked about it once. It doesn’t have to be brought up again an again. Sexual orientation is just one part of who we are. It doesn’t define us.

Another way to communicate a bisexual character’s sexual orientation is to have them be an equal rights activist. You could have them participating in the movement for bisexual equality. That way there are many more moments available to communicate important concepts about bisexuality through the voice of the character. However, it would be important to portray the activist as diplomatic and balanced. Otherwise it would just be playing off the stereotype that only radical people participate in activism of any kind, and would therefore make the bisexual character an “other” and not relatable to the average person.

If a person wants to write a bisexual character into a television show or movie they should start by studying the history of the bisexual movement. http://laurenmichellekinsey.wordpress.com/2013/04/17/know-your-bisexual-movement-history/

I think it would be difficult to handle the topic well if the time period of the show or movie was set before 1950 when the bisexual movement began. It would be difficult for any character to self-identify with clarity before that time, because there wasn’t language to talk about it.

Knowing a gay or lesbian person helps people learn to overcome stereotypes and support equality. People (especially Americans) feel like they “know” fictional characters they see on TV and in movies. Having gay and lesbian characters that defied stereotypes has helped heterosexual people rewrite their assumptions. The same will be true when bisexual characters are handled well in mainstream fiction.

Positive bisexual portrayals will also help bisexual people feel safer in the world, and feel less of the toxic self-hatred that can come from being misunderstood and marginalized.

I promised you that I’d use this site as a hub at which you can find links to all my other work. I’ve been slacking a bit on keeping you updated here on what I’ve been publishing over at Huffington Post. That’s because I’ve been keeping the Bi the Bi website updated with those links. But that’s a lame excuse really, so here I am, bringing you up to speed.

If you want to get an email every time I publish at Huffington Post you can go here…

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lauren-michelle-kinsey/

…and hit the “fan” button.

Here’s text from our Bi the Bi website about what we’re doing, why we’re doing it, and the topics we’ve covered so far…

“Bi the Bi: Two Bi Writers on Big Bi Issues” is monthly series on Huffington Post that will eventually be compiled and published as a book.

In December 2012, Huffington Post blogger Lauren Michelle Kinsey initiated the creation of a series with published author and Huffington Post blogger A.J. Walkley. The series is an ongoing conversation in which the two women answer questions from readers about bisexuality. They believe that through this process they can help reduce the destructive power of biphobia, and empower bisexual people to live happier, healthier lives.

A.J. and Lauren are both monogamous, bisexual, cisgender females who are in long-term relationships. A.J. is in a relationship with a cisgender male, and Lauren is in a relationship with a cisgender female. Both A.J. and Lauren are committed to remaining visible as bisexuals in spite of society’s tendency to want to label A.J. as heterosexual and Lauren as a lesbian.

Lauren lives in Ohio and A.J. lives in Arizona. They’re connected to an international network of bisexual activists, who are working globally for greater acceptance and understanding of bisexual people.

You can ask A.J. and Lauren your questions about bisexuality by sending an email to bithebi@twobiwriters.com or by filling out the form on this website. Each month they will select one question to answer for the series. You can choose to be anonymous or request to be mentioned by name.  Some questions that have been answered so far are…

Should bisexual people in the United States who are in opposite-sex relationships forego marriage until all people have the right to marry the person they love?

Are closeted bisexuals the main reason for bisexual invisibility?

Does the “bi” in “bisexual” imply that there are only two genders?

Is bisexuality about being attracted to more meaningful aspects of a person than what gender they are?

Why would someone not want to identify as bisexual?

Why would someone want to identify as bisexual? 

Why disclose your bisexuality when it hurts a partner?

Is bisexuality a choice? 

How do you come out to your parents as bisexual? 

She is known as the “Mother of Pride” for her work in coordinating a rally and then the Christopher Street Liberation Day March to commemorate the first anniversary of the Stonewall riots. Howard also originated the idea of a week-long series of events around Pride Day which became the genesis of the annual LGBT Pride celebrations that are now held around the world every June. Additionally, Howard along with fellow LGBT activists Stephen Donaldson and L. Craig Schoonmaker are credited with popularizing the word “Pride” to describe these festivities.

“Bisexuality generally refers to having attraction to more than one gender. It is a broad term which may include the following groups and more:
●● People who see themselves as attracted to ‘both men and women’.
●● People who are mostly attracted to one gender but recognize this is not exclusive.
●● People who experience their sexual identities as fluid and changeable over time.
●● People who see their attraction as ‘regardless of gender’ (other aspects are more important in determining who they are attracted to).
●● People who dispute the idea that there are only two genders and that people are attracted to one, the other, or both.

Are you financially dependent on your parents?

If you think they might kick you out of the house or stop helping you financially in some way, you might want to wait to tell them until they can’t hold that over your head.

Are you sure about your sexual orientation? Are you comfortable with being bisexual? 

Your parents response may be influenced by how you feel. At the very least, if you have doubts and internalized biphobia, it will make it harder for you to navigate their biphobia and doubts. Before you tell them, read books on bisexuality, do online research, get connected to the national bisexual organizations, find out if there is an organization in your area that you can meet other bisexual people at, and reach out to any people in your life who you think will be supportive and talk to them.

Remember that it is completely possible to be sure about your sexual orientation before you ever have sex. Heterosexual people do it all of the time. If you know yourself, and are honest with yourself, you can know what you feel sexually and romantically drawn to.

It’s also OK to not be completely sure of your sexual orientation as well. Life unfolds at different paces for different people. However it may make it more difficult for your parents to understand and be supportive. If they are not biphobic in any way, they will be able to support your process of figuring yourself out. However, if they are biphobic, your uncertainty may make it harder for them to overcome biphobia.

Remember that you will never need to “prove” your sexual orientation to anyone. If you know you are bisexual, but you only end up falling in love and getting into relationships with people of one sex/gender, you are still bisexual. You don’t have to go out of your way to have relationships with people of multiple sexes/genders just to prove to the world what you know in your heart. If they don’t believe you, that’s their problem.

Do you have support? 

If your parents have a negative reaction, you will need to have some outside support. Work to build up that circle of support before you tell your parents. Read books on bisexuality, do online research, get connected to the national bisexual organizations, find out if there is an organization in your area that you can meet other bisexual people at, and reach out to any people in your life who you think will be supportive and talk to them.

If you didn’t think your parents could do something horrible, like throw you out, and they surprise you by doing it, you will need to have a safe place to go. Get that lined up before you tell your parents.

If you live in the area around New York City one resource you might want to explore is the Ali Forney Center.  They also have links on their website to resources in other states.

AFC is the nation’s largest and most comprehensive organization dedicated to homeless LGBTQ youth. Our goal is to provide homeless LGBTQ youths, aged 16-24, with the support and services they need to escape the streets and begin to live healthy and independent lives. We offer an innovative continuum of services which include the following programs:

Ali Forney Day Center

The AFC Day Center in the Harlem section of Manhattan is the entry point to our programs for homeless youths. There we offer street outreach, case management, primary medical care, HIV testing, mental health assessment and treatment, food and showers, an employment assistance program, and referral to our housing programs as well as psychiatry and workshops on issues facing homeless LGBTQ youth to providers. If you are seeking assistance please contact us at: 212.206.0574.

AFC Emergency Housing Program

AFC offers a scattered-site emergency housing program with sites in Queens and Brooklyn. We offer temporary housing in safe, staff-supervised homelike apartments. LGBTQ youths are able to reside in our emergency housing program for up to six months while we assist them in moving on to more permanent housing. Currently AFC has 4 emergency housing apartments and a total of 50 beds.

AFC Transitional Housing

The Transitional Housing Program currently offers housing to 42 youth in 6 scattered sites in Brooklyn. The residents are able to live in our transitional housing program for up to two years, while we assist them in maintaining employment and in continuing their education. We place a great deal of emphasis on preparing residents to live independently.  Our goal is that our residents, upon graduation from this program, will move on to their own apartments.

PFLAG

Parents, Families & Friends, of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) is a good organization to encourage your parents to get connected to. They will find support from other parents of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender children.

The organization’s name doesn’t include bisexuals, so that can be off-putting. And the definition they have of bisexual on their website is inaccurate, so that can be a problem.

The definition of bisexual they have on their website…

Sexual Orientation: Enduring emotional, romantic, or sexual feelings to other people.  Heterosexual (straight) individuals experience these feelings primarily for people of the opposite sex.  Homosexual (gay or lesbian) individuals experience these feelings primarily for people of the same sex.  Bisexual (bi) individuals experience these feelings for people of both sexes.

The definition of bisexual they should have in order to be accurate…

Sexual Orientation: A person’s sexual orientation is defined in relation to the sex/gender of the people they find attractive. Monosexual people (heterosexuals, gays, and lesbians) have a strong romantic/sexual preference for only one sex/gender. Nonmonosexual people (bisexuals) are people who do not fit into the monosexual boxes of straight, gay or lesbian. They have romantic/sexual feelings for more than one sex/gender. Not all bisexuals are attracted to all sexes/genders, but it is the fact that they are all nonmosexual that makes them all bisexual. 

In spite of these issues, PFLAG is still a valuable organization to get your parents connected to. Your parents will find a lot of comfort and be able to work through any issues they have faster if they can get connected with parents who are having a similar experience of discovering that their children are different from the gender normative and/or heterosexual image that parents are often trained to think their children should match.

Family Acceptance Project 

“The Family Acceptance Project™ is the only community research, intervention, education and policy initiative that works to decrease major health and related risks for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) youth, such as suicide, substance abuse, HIV and homelessness – in the context of their families. We use a research-based, culturally grounded approach to help ethnically, socially and religiously diverse families decrease rejection and increase support for their LGBT children.”

They created this video. It might be a good one to show to your parents…

Open and Affirming Churches

Another thing that could be really helpful for your parents is helping them find an open and affirming church. If they are religious, having a religious community that will support them in embracing who you are will be important. Click this link to find a directory of LGBT friendly churches.

Books

Sometimes it’s helpful to have a book in your hand when you tell your parents. I suggest, “Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around The World.”  Read through the book, and mark the parts you can relate to. When you come out to your parents show them the book and ask them to read the parts you marked.

Online Resources

Midwest Bi* Activist
http://www.midwestbiactivist.org

The Bisexual Organizing Project (BOP)
http://www.bisexualorganizingproject.org

The Bisexual Empowerment Conference (BECAUSE)
http://www.becauseconference.org

BiNet USA
http://www.binetusa.org

The Bisexual Resource Center
http://www.biresource.net

American Institute of Bisexuality
http://www.bisexual.org

If Your Parents Aren’t Homophobic But They Are Biphobic

Sometimes, parents will have no problem with lesbian or gay people. There’s been much more public awareness raised about gay and lesbian people. Knowing gays and lesbians personally, seeing gay and lesbian public figures, and getting questions answered in clear ways, has helped many people to overcome the fears and stereotypes about homosexuals.

Unfortunately the bisexual community suffers from invisibility. Because of this invisibility, biphobia persists in our culture. So it is possible to have parents who wouldn’t mind if you told them you were gay or lesbian, but will react with fear and anger if you tell them you are bisexual.

If that is case, it’s even more important that you get connected to the national bisexual organizations and to whatever support is available to bisexual people locally. Educate yourself about the history of the bisexual movement, and about what the bisexual community is trying to teach the world. The more information you have, and the more support you have, the more you will be able to navigate any biphobic response you get from your parents.

Keep in mind that your parents might go through stages as they process the awareness of your sexual orientation. They might be angry for a while. They might be in shock for a while. They might be in denial for a while. Try to just stick with them as they go through it all. It is reasonable to hope that they will adjust and eventually become an important source of support for you as you battle the biphobia you will face in the larger world.

Check out this 2010 article to further understand immutability and the law…

The Article thoroughly explores the meaning of the term “immutable characteristic” in constitutional and employment discrimination jurisprudence. It postulates that immutability constitutes a unifying principle for all of the traits now covered by the employment discrimination laws. Immutability, however, does not explain why other characteristics that are equally unalterable are excluded from the statutory scheme. Thus, I conclude that the employment discrimination laws lack coherence. While they extend even to fringe religions, such as white supremacy, they disregard a variety of traits that are fundamental to identity, including sexual orientation, parental status, and others. A focus on the concept of immutability can shed new light on the achievements and limitations of the anti-discrimination mandates and serve as an impetus to provide more comprehensive protection to American workers.
;

We need to proudly and loudly use the word bisexual in order to fight against exclusion. That’s why the movement claimed, redefined, and used the word. Some people say that bisexual people don’t need the support that comes from having a distinct group to belong to and organize with. What is true is that bisexual people suffer immensely because of biphobia and we must make ourselves more visible as a movement to change it.

“We know from good, representative data that individuals with bisexual patterns of attraction and behavior actually have higher mental and physical health risks over the life course than do exclusively lesbian/gay individuals which many researchers, including myself, think is likely due to the fact that bisexually-attracted and behaving individuals face marginalization from both the homosexual and straight worlds, and often have less access to social support and acceptance for their sexuality than do lesbian/gay folks.”

~  Lisa Diamond, Professor of Psychology and Gender Studies at the University of Utah

The word bisexual as the name for the nonmonosexual community has a powerful history and should be embraced, not attacked…

Anyone who is familiar with the history of the bisexual movement can tell you that the reason why some queer people began outwardly identifying as bisexual rather than as gay or lesbian (the two predominant queer identities throughout the ’70s and ’80s) is precisely because of this insider/outsider issue.

So long as a bisexual woman was only sexual with women and called herself a lesbian, she was accepted. But as soon as she admitted to, or acted upon, her attraction to men, she would be ostracized and accused of being a part of the problem rather than the solution.

This is why the label bisexual came into prominence—as a way to gain visibility within the queer community and to fight against exclusion.

Back in the ’50s and ’60s, all LGBT people were simply called “homosexual.” We were all present during the first queer uprisings and the early days of what was simply called “gay liberation.”

But as the movement picked up momentum, bisexuals and trans folks were both thrown under the bus, albeit for slightly different reasons. In a world where the straight mainstream assumed that gay men wanted to be women and lesbians wanted to be men, it is not surprising that many lesbians and gays felt uneasy about the presence of trans people in their movement.

And in a world where the straight mainstream insisted homosexuals could become heterosexual if they simply set their minds to it, it is not surprising that many lesbians and gays felt uneasy about the existence of bisexuals.

While the reasons for bisexual and transgender exclusion from lesbian and gay communities during the ’70s and ’80s may be somewhat different, the rhetoric used to cast us away was eerily similar: We, in one way or another, were supposedly “buying into” and “reinforcing” heteronormativity.

Transsexuals, transvestites, drag artists, butches and femmes were accused of apeing heterosexist gender roles. Bisexuals were accused of purposefully seeking out heterosexual privilege and (literally) sleeping with the enemy.

According to many lesbians and gays (both past and present), bisexuals and trans folks are not merely assimilationist, but we don’t even exist! According to this “homo-normative” logic, trans people are really gay men and lesbians who transition in order to pass in the straight world. And bisexuals are really either heterosexuals dabbling in a bit of sexual experimentation, or gays and lesbians who just haven’t fully come out of the closet yet.

It is because of this history of erasure and exclusion that bisexual and trans activists became more outspoken in the late ’80s and early ’90s, and fought for visibility and inclusion within the lesbian/gay/queer umbrella.

~ Julia Serano, a bisexual-identified trans woman, American writer, spoken-word performer, trans-bi activist, and biologist