HELLO HAIR!

How is hair like paint?

You can use it to create!

What is the hair on your head for?

Playing with!

What is the past for?

Inspiration!

What is my new blog for?

Learning how to style your hair in fun and creative ways while you wait for it to grow out. You don’t need long hair to get great looks!

Check out what I give to the hairstylists featured in my blog…

Check out what they create with it…

Join in the fun at…

SHORT HAIR UPDOS

I started this blog in May 2013. So far two hairstylists have been featured in my blog – M’Lou MacKay from Strut the Salon has done five looks, and Melissa Blandi Kulwicki from Lennonheads Salon has done one look. If you’re a hairstylist in Columbus, Ohio or the surrounding area, and you would like to participate, let me know. It’s a great way for people to learn about what you have to offer! Search Engine Optimization baby!

If you want to know more about my credentials as a blogger >click here<. I began blogging in 2008, then started doing it furiously and seriously in 2010. I was quickly recruited to a bigger blog, then invited to blog with an even bigger blog. Blogging is my thing. I understand social media and how to get a message out there. “Short Hair Updos” is brand new, but it will grow, and these posts will be on the internet for years, directing traffic to your business.

Where Everything Falls Apart

“I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted – romantically and/or sexually – to people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.”

~ Robyn Ochs (arguably the best know bisexual advocate on the planet)

“I call myself lesbian because I prefer women even though I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted – romantically and/or sexually – to people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.”

~ many lesbian women I’ve met

” I call myself gay because I prefer men even though I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted – romantically and/or sexually – to people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.”

~ many gay men I’ve met

“I call myself straight because I prefer opposite sex partners even though I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted – romantically and/or sexually – to people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.”

~ many heterosexual people I’ve met

This is the place where everything falls apart for me. I believe biphobia is based on ignorance. People make up trash about what they don’t understand. All the negative ideas about what bisexual people are like are based on ignorance about what bisexuality means.

I’ve been saying that bisexuality is defined by the bisexual movement. I’ve been thinking that if enough bisexual people just came out of the closet and educated people about what bisexuality means, and people realized they know and love people who happen to be bisexual, then biphobia would end.

However, the second someone says the definition that Robyn Ochs uses, many people say, “Hey wait a minute. That describes me, and I am not bisexual.”

So is the essence of bisexual organizing communicating to people that their sexual orientation identity label is wrong? That’s not going to work. Especially since the dictionary disagrees with us and defines sexual orientation in terms of tendency.

If I went with the majority view and defined sexual orientation in terms of tendency, than bisexual becomes an almost meaningless category- apart from people who are exactly 50/50 in their tendency, or people who are non-monagmous, or people whose preference swings back and forth quickly.

In my internal understanding of myself I know that if I lost my current partner in some way, I could potentially fall in love with a man, a woman, or a person who didn’t identify as a man or a woman. However, in my life experience, I’ve only had two long term relationships (5 years and 7 years) and both of them were with women. I’ve also only ever been in love with one human being, and that person is my current partner. I didn’t know what true love was until her. So all of that makes it appear that I do lean toward women. My intention is to be with her for the rest of my life and my preference is that our relationship continue to be monogamous. If I’m lucky that is what will happen and my sexual orientation only matters in terms of political organizing and in terms of finding a community that I feel supported and understood by (which is important if you’re a sexual/gender minority and you experience discrimination).

I have not found a community that I feel supported and understood by in the bisexual community. Being part of it has not lowered my stress in any way. I’ve met a couple of individuals who identify as bisexual that I connected with as friends, but that was the extent of it.

When it comes to political organizing I’m completely baffled at the moment about how to end biphobia. How in the world do you educate people about bisexuality when the majority of people disagree with the bisexual movement’s definition of bisexuality? At the moment this concept has me completely stuck.

So maybe I should devote my political energy toward something other than ending biphobia? For now I think that’s what I’ll do. I’m involved with an LGBT affinity group through United Way of Central Ohio and we volunteer in the broader community. That work feels uplifting and clear cut. That work feels like it’s operating at the level of changing hearts and minds and building a community around helping other people.

A Rock Thrown At The Monster

I think sexual orientation identity politics is an important tool for creating a better world for people who don’t fit into the heterosexual box. So I’m not bashing it. It takes up a good deal of my time and energy and mental space. So I am analyzing it.

My personal authority on the most modern and correct usage of language is Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary. Why? Because that’s where people who study and work with the english language look for answers. It gives me an understanding of how english words are widely and officially understood. However, it causes me stress to see how it defines the main sexual orientation labels.

From merriam-webster.com-

Heterosexual
: of, relating to, or characterized by a tendency to direct sexual desire toward the opposite sex

Homosexual
: of, relating to, or characterized by a tendency to direct sexual desire toward another of the same sex

Bisexual
: of, relating to, or characterized by a tendency to direct sexual desire toward both sexes

Interesting. I didn’t think that people “directed” sexual desire. As if sexual desire was just a free floating energy like creativity, and we can direct that creativity toward watercolors or yodeling. I think people direct sexual activity, but sexual desire is an emotion and isn’t directed until it is turned into action.

I don’t think I’m heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual then. I don’t “direct” my sexual desire toward people. And I certainly don’t “direct” my sexual desire toward “sexes”. What a ridiculous notion that people direct sexual desire toward an entire biological sex category. Even if people “directed” sexual desire they usually do it only toward individuals whose biological sex is only one factor in why the person “directs” sexual desire at them.

But if we culturally define gay in terms of “having a preference for similar sex people for sex and romance” and hetero as “having a preference for different sex people for sex and romance” then that causes a problem for the bisexual community. Because they generally define bisexuality like Robyn Ochs…

“I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted – romantically and/or sexually – to people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.”

I have met many lesbians who tell me, “I’m sexually attracted to men but I can’t fall in love with them.” Or gay men who tell me that they have been in love with a woman before but they are just more sexually attracted to men. Or some variation on that theme. For example I once knew a woman who identified as lesbian even though she was happily married to a man. She said, “I’m lesbian but my husband is the exception to the rule.”

Do I personally have a preference? I don’t think I do. I think that before I fell in love with my partner, I was equally as likely to fall in love with a man as a woman, and equally attracted to the women I found attractive as I was to the men I found attractive. I met more heterosexual men than lesbians or bisexual women, but that’s simply because there are more of them. However my only long term relationships have been with women. I was with one woman for five years and I’ve been with my current partner for seven. Does that mean I have a preference? I don’t know. Maybe it does. Maybe I only think I could fall in love with a man. Maybe I lean toward women. So maybe that makes me homosexual if we define homosexual as “leaning” instead of “absolute”.

So I face a lot of trouble trying to talk about bisexuality with people who are “leaners.” They try to figure out if I lean, and if I lean, why am I rambling on about a category that in their mind means “figuring out which way you lean” or “non-monogamous and broadcasting it.”

I also face a lot of trouble trying to talk about bisexuality with people who think the word bisexual means what the dictionary says it means and therefore excludes people who aren’t male or female.

My two long term relationships were with women who were gender non-conforming. However they both identified as women. I wouldn’t have cared if either of them identified as a man, or as gender-queer/beyond gender. I think gender is a social construct that has limited connection to biological and psychological l realities. So I don’t fit the dictionary definition of bisexual (only attracted to men and women) because I think I could fall in love with someone who didn’t fit in either of those boxes.

I currently feel a lot of sympathy for people who choose to remain unlabeled. However, I still feel strongly that labels are important for organizing for positive change.

On a personal level I want to drop the label bisexual because 98% of the people I meet and know DO NOT UNDERSTAND ME when I use that label. Even after I explain things to them, they often still have deeply held erroneous ideas about what the word means or about why I’m using that word, and using it loudly.

I don’t like being so misunderstood, because I want to use language to communicate. I’m not communicating if I’m not being understood.

On a political level I don’t want to drop the label bisexual. Because if enough people used the word loudly and educated other people about what it means to our community, then common understanding of the word would change, and biphobia would decrease.

I’m just sick of being misunderstood. That misunderstanding is caused by biphobia, and biphobia is what I set out to fight. So what I set out determined to fight against… won. The monster won. For now.

I might throw a few rocks at it from time to time. But for now I’m letting go of devoting so much time to the battle.

Cameron Kude

I just read this article by Cameron Kude…

http://www.pdxqcenter.org/bisexuality-does-not-reinforce-the-gender-binary-it-dissolves-it/

He’s contradicting himself. In one breath he says that bisexuality paved the way for pansexuality (implying that they mean different things). In the next breath he says that pansexuality and bisexuality are not different things.

Pansexuality and bisexuality mean the same thing. The only reason the word pansexuality exists as a term is because people don’t understand that the word bisexuality isn’t defined by the dictionary. It’s defined by the movement that reclaimed it and defined it- the bisexual movement. And the bisexual movement has always defined bisexuality in the same way that people are now defining pansexuality (and all the other anything-but-bisexual words that have gone in and out of fashion over the decades).

He also says that queer is a useful term for bisexual people to use. I disagree. I think it contributes to bisexual erasure. When you call yourself queer, people don’t know that you are bisexual. Lesbians and gays use the word queer too. Unless you always say bisexual when you say queer, you are contributing to bisexual erasure if you only use the word queer. If you are using the word queer in addition to using the word bisexual, what do you mean by queer? Are you saying you’re gender-queer? If  you are then why not say that instead? Are you saying you’re a political radical? If you are then why not say that instead?

Using the word bisexual to label your sexual orientation is important. It honors the reality of the bisexual movement. It contributes to bisexual visibility. It builds the movement for change that will help end biphobia.

Why are labels valuable and important? Because using clear language is important. Why? Because we need to communicate with each other. If we don’t want to be understood we should just stop talking. Here’s a link to a blog post that explains why labels are important for social change.

Kalinda Sharma

Recently I was talking to a friend and I said that bisexuals were always portrayed as immoral and mentally unstable in movies and television. My friend (who happens to be a lesbian) said, “Except for that bisexual character in The Good Wife.”

That character’s name is Kalinda Sharma:

The firm’s in-house private investigator. Kalinda previously worked for Peter for two years. He fired her after accusing her of working two jobs. After becoming good friends, Alicia finds out Kalinda had a one night stand with Peter before she knew Alicia, damaging their friendship. Kalinda has a cynical, misanthropic outlook on human behavior. She is bisexual. She often plays a major part in winning cases for Lockhart & Gardner, although not always ethically or legally. The character’s signature wardrobe piece has become a pair of knee-high boots; the character initially wore pumps but Panjabi felt that boots “grounded her in the character.”

Misanthropic: marked by a hatred or contempt for humankind

You can’t be moral and emotionally well adjusted if you’re misanthropic. If you get ahead in unethical ways. If you cheat on people. If you engage in criminal behavior.

Please. Stop portraying bisexuals as running around in knee-high boots, hitting men with baseball bats. And stop claiming that these are accurate and positive portrayals of bisexual people.

Searching For Positive Portrayals of Fictional Bisexual Characters in TV and Film

The way bisexual people are depicted in film and television tells us a lot about the level of biphobia that exists in our society.

The tropes I see repeated over and over-

Cheating

Hypersexual (more sexual than the other characters and/or sexual in socially inappropriate ways and places)

Crazy/Mentally Unstable

Identity conflict (unsure of who they are/conflicted about who they are)

Murderous

Criminal

Lying

Temporarily thinks they are bisexual (therefore not actually a bisexual character). This one is very disappointing for bisexual people who get there hopes up when a show introduces a character who says they are bisexual.

Somehow “other” – different from the other characters in some significant way

The bisexual characters that would change the world-

Faithful and Monogamous

Equally as sexual as other people, respectful of social norms around sexual boundaries

Emotionally Stable/Mentally and Socially Well Adjusted

Comfortable in their sexual orientation identity, not afraid to use the word bisexual, congruent and unconflicted in other parts of their identity as well

Law Abiding

Honest

Successful in all areas of life- friends, relationship, work, giving back

Average and Relatable

I would like to see bisexual characters that aren’t consensually non-monogamous. Not that there’s something wrong with having more than one sexual partner when all parties are honest and consenting. However, the average person tends to assume that bisexual people can’t be monogamous. Therefore it would do more to help people get over stereotypes about bisexuals to have characters with monogamy as a preferred relationship structure.

I would also like to see bisexual characters that aren’t transgender, not because there’s something wrong with being transgender, but because the average person tends to assume that all transgender people are bisexual. Therefore a cisgender (born with assigned sex aligned with gender identity) bisexual character is going to do more to teach people that bisexual and transgender are not synonymous. However, having a bisexual person in a monogamous relationship with someone who is transgender would be a good way to help overcome the stereotype that bisexual people aren’t attracted to transgender or genderqueer people.

Writers may wonder, “How do I communicate that a character is bisexual without having them go back and forth between male and female lovers, or without having them have more than one lover of more than one gender at a time?” My answer to that is you have the character simply talk with another character about the fact that they are bisexual. Have them explain that bisexuality is simply just having the capacity to be sexually attracted to more than one gender. Have them explain that they know they could fall in love with someone who was male, female, or someone who didn’t identify with those genders.

Then just have the character go on with life. Have them go to work, spend time with friends, spend time with their partner, take care of an aging parent, raise children, etc. The normal everyday things that make up a human life. People will know they are bisexual because they talked about it once. It doesn’t have to be brought up again an again. Sexual orientation is just one part of who we are. It doesn’t define us.

Another way to communicate a bisexual character’s sexual orientation is to have them be an equal rights activist. You could have them participating in the movement for bisexual equality. That way there are many more moments available to communicate important concepts about bisexuality through the voice of the character. However, it would be important to portray the activist as diplomatic and balanced. Otherwise it would just be playing off the stereotype that only radical people participate in activism of any kind, and would therefore make the bisexual character an “other” and not relatable to the average person.

If a person wants to write a bisexual character into a television show or movie they should start by studying the history of the bisexual movement.
http://laurenmichellekinsey.wordpress.com/2013/04/17/know-your-bisexual-movement-history/

I think it would be difficult to handle the topic well if the time period of the show or movie was set before 1950 when the bisexual movement began. It would be difficult for any character to self-identify with clarity before that time, because there wasn’t language to talk about it.

Knowing a gay or lesbian person helps people learn to overcome stereotypes and support equality. People (especially Americans) feel like they “know” fictional characters they see on TV and in movies. Having gay and lesbian characters that defied stereotypes has helped heterosexual people rewrite their assumptions. The same will be true when bisexual characters are handled well in mainstream fiction.

Positive bisexual portrayals will also help bisexual people feel safer in the world, and feel less of the toxic self-hatred that can come from being misunderstood and marginalized.

Something New, Fun, and Non-Political

Check out my new project - 
http://shorthairupdos.wordpress.com